mourning and rebirth

Last night I had a really intense dream:

It started in this strange house where I felt like a refugee, and I had packed up all of my most important things and was planning a get away. Not a vacation, but truly an *escape*. At first the packing was fun, and kind of all about organization in terms of my important things… deciding what would stay, what would go… but having to be very selective in packing my bag in preparation for what was to come. But as I finished I started feeling the severity of my having to leave. I had to leave quickly, and I couldn’t get caught or I would die instantly.

I started to feel confused and scared that I wasn’t going to do it right. So I asked someone and when they saw me & my packed bag, they told me that I actually couldn’t take any belongings with me at all. That all I could take was the clothing I wore on my body “when I walked through to the other side”, and I would have to start over from there…if I made it.

This of course was super stressful… I had to leave everything behind? I couldn’t comprehend how I could do that…just start over with nothing? But it was the only way. Apparently I’d be lucky to make it as it was, and if I had any sort of additional bag (baggage) with me, I was sure to die (fail).

Next thing I knew there was something about being in my old hometown – or some city, but I was with an old friend of mine I grew up with in my hometown. She was in trouble, and I had to help her escape and get out of harms way. Something was chasing her, but by my trying to help her, I had to escape from this scary thing, too. It was really scary and chaotic, and we were running through a city trying to find places to hide, and every once and awhile I’d hear her screaming and running again, so I’d frantically try to tell her to just stop & find a good place to hide and to stay still, but it didn’t seem like she was listening… she was too scared to stay still. And I couldn’t stop and be quiet and stay still either because I had to keep chasing her to keep her safe. It was very scary. Whatever was going to catch us would kill us. :(

Segue into a different part of the dream and I found myself sobbing uncontrollably. This was no longer about the friend though, but I did have someone there near me. As I realized this other person was there, and tried to pull myself together, I felt like they knew why I was crying, and were more accepting of it than I was… but I wasn’t quite sure at first why I was soooo sad. My vision was blurred with tears and my face was soaked and felt red from sobbing so hard… and I sobbed for a long time before I could just barely pull it together enough to get words out to this other person about why I was so sad.

When it finally came to me, I realized that I had decided to take the route in my escape that would just kill me instantly – basically deciding to die by choice instead of risk it – and I was sobbing and crying over having to say goodbye to this life that I’ve known.

While I was talking it out, though, I realized it wasn’t actually the only option. That I didn’t necessarily have to die, or have it be sad. That I *could* try to “walk through to the other side” and escape (without a bag), and I could make it through alive and continue my life.

I thought about this possibility, and how intensely I had been crying, and how sad I felt at the thought of just having to say goodbye to it all. And the possibility of trying felt better…and I felt like if I could just get to the other side, I wouldn’t be sad… and I wouldn’t feel so unsafe anymore, because I would have already done it and gotten it over with. So I decided to go for it and try.

I walked outside, towards “the line” and the last thing I remember was seeing a circle of people, all holding hands and kind of praying or something. And it made me feel safer, like these people had also had to consider this same challenge, and they were at peace with the decision they had made. Some were going to die, but a lot of them were going to cross over, too… and I kind of felt this feeling like whatever route I chose it would be OK, but that I had decided to try, and the other side was full of possibility.

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i love new york

After watching the entertaining trainwreck that was Flavor of Love, I couldn’t help but keep the ‘oh no you di’n’t!’ going and promptly started TiVoing I Love New York.

Watching an episode tonight, I couldn’t help but keep thinking about how much New York looks like that one muppet, Janice. Don’t you agree?

 

 

 

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In the WilloToons Shop, geek meets rock ‘n roll!

Check out the geekyfantastic tees for guys & girls, super cute
onesies & bibs for baby, fun jewelry and more!

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SXSW 2007!

Hi! I’m alive! I can’t believe I haven’t posted in over a week, but then again I can, because I’ve been caught in the whirlwind fabulousness that is SXSW in Austin. And if you don’t know what SXSW is, just know that it is like the best summer camp evarrr for geeks & hard core music fans like me & my friends! wahoo!

OK, so here’s a quick recap… that is if I can untangle the mess that is my ragged brain to actually think when/where/what, etc. It’s all a little bit blurry. :) Here it goes….

:: Saturday ::

I was supposed to fly out, but the damn taxi never showed up! I was standing out front tapping my foot, giving them “5 more minutes”, when I finally realized, “holy shit! I have to hop in *my* car & drive myself there now if I even want to try to make it!” gah…LAME! So I did… sped there, pulled up & tried my damnedest… but it was that silly little 5 minutes that pretty much screwed me.

However, I was truly not that bummed at all, because I had gotten very little sleep the previous couple nights, and had been fighting off a mini-cold all week. So honestly (besides missing the 8-bit party), I was slightly elated to have another night at home to sleep in my own bed! I was actually feeling so wiped out after the whole airport debacle, I came straight home, climbed into bed & took a nap. ha!

:: Sunday :: 

 

Screw taxis… I did Park & Fly & caught my flight. Arrived in Austin around 5pm, grabbed my badge and met up with my peeps @ the Blogger party where I immediately started celebrating my arrival back to one of my favorite cities! :) It was soooo great to reunite with a bunch of SXSW06 pals, and of course my huge crew of geekyfantastic SF friends, too.

:: Monday :: 

 

Brunch w/ Gabe & Elle of SonicLiving, hit some panels, got a free chair massage in the Platinum Lounge (aww yaa), and then hit HJ & Aubs’ Wine 2.0 event before dropping off my laptop back at the hotel to get ready for dinner.

Dinner on Monday night was at The Salt Lick BBQ, and the entire thing was put together by my awesome friend Souris. She had told me I’d be amongst good company, and it was true! About 25 of us met up at the Hilton to get on the bus that would shuttle us out to this famous Texas BBQ restaurant, and I was delighted to see my good friends Molly Steenson & Ryan Junell were a part of the crew. A few of the other rockstars who dined with us (whose names I can remember, and whose you might recognize) were Will Wright, Julian Bleecker, Jane Pinckard & Jesse (also of Dealership). I met a few other incredibly interesting people, but sadly didn’t get many cards, and Monday was ‘like omg a whole week ago’… so sadly I think some of those brain cells were washed down with a Shiner Bock or two. Needless to say it was very fun & I was honored to be included! Dinner was yummy, and although it’s not that rockstar, I actually came back to my room to charge my phone & ended up just staying in for the night! I learned my lesson last year though, and wanted to take care of myself early on in the week to be sure I could feel more 100% through to the end.

:: Tuesday::

Ali took a red-eye Monday night, so Tuesday morning her & Sarah showed up at our hotel & we all went out for breakfast at Las Manitas! Yumm. Sad to hear they’re going to tear that place down… it’s so great! After that I hit some panels and then we all met up at the Rio Grande for dinner. Hello margaritas & more tex-mex! (I have enough chips & salsa in my body to last me 6 months. :p) Needless to say these kicked our night off quite well. We then hit the Media Temple closing party, then the Facebook party @ the HiLo, and THEN to the Gingerman for the blip.tv/Laughing Squid party. SO FUN!

:: Wednesday :: 

 

Let the music begin! wahoo! After Aubs, Ali, Sarah & I groggily had much needed brunch/lunch @ IHOP, Ali & I hit the IODA party (@ Emo’s Annex) where we saw:

  • The Twilight Sad
  • Uncut
  • Honeycut
  • Apostle of Hustle

Then we cruised back to the hotel to meet up with our rocktastic friends Ted & Misty who had just got into town (yay!) and go to dinner. Harry & Alice met us, too, and we all feasted on yummy tapas before the evening began. That night we saw:

  • The Pipettes @ La Zona Rosa
  • Oh No! Oh My! @ Flamingo Cantina
  • Frightened Rabbit @ The Mohawk
  • The Postmarks @ Blender Bar
  • The Broken West @ Antone’s
  • The Annuals @ Beauty Bar Patio

Wow, huh? Ya… the music has begun!!

:: Thursday :: 

 

Aubrey, Misty, Ali & I had a yummy breakfast at Magnolia and then hit:

  • Amy Millan @ Emo’s
  • The Oohlas @ Red 7 (patio)
  • The Prototypes @ Red 7 (patio)
  • Tokyo Police Club @ Emo’s
  • Andrew Bird @ Emo’s

And then it was time for dinner. Aubrey still had a ton of wine left over from the Wine 2.0 event, so we found a good BYO restaurant, The Woodland – which turned out to be AMAZING – and had super yummy food accompanied by delicious, expensive wine. Our lives are so good!

After that I met up with a client of mine, Amy, who I designed a website for last year called: To Hell With Straight Hair (custom illustration/animation, photography, postcards & banners, too)! It was soo great to meet her in person finally… what a doll!

Then I met back up with Ali for:

  • Bishop Allen @ The Mohawk
  • David Vandervelde @ The Mohawk
  • The Bird & the Bee @ Opal Divine’s
:: Friday ::

Breakfast @ Las Manitas again! aww yaaa! This time it was Harry, Alice, Ali, Misty & I. Fun! Then we headed to the SPIN party @ Stubbs where we saw:

  • The Fratelli’s (and Pete Townshend joined them!)
  • Blanche
  • Mew

And after that:

  • Menomena @ Emo’s
  • Sondre Lerche @ the Belmont
  • Tilly & the Wall @ the Belmont

Then we *tried* to see Amy Winehouse @ the Levi’s Fader Fort… but it didn’t happen, because she only played for 15 minutes! jeeshk! But that was still fun cuz we met new friends and had free beer. haha. Oh & we caught a few minutes of Datarock before we took off.

Dinnertime! This time with Harry, Alice & Ali at my favorite restaurant in Austin, the Moonshine Patio & Grill. Their salmon dish is one of the most amazing I’ve ever had (or as Rick would like me to know, it’s prepared well, because obviously I haven’t been to Alaska. haha). So anyway, dinner there was amazing, and although I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to keep going, of course I did & after that we went & saw:

  • Peter, Bjorn & John @ the ACC’s DirectTV stage (which was tv studio weird)
  • Abra Moore @ BD Riley’s
  • Gruff Rhys (of Super Furry Animals) @ Bourbon Rocks
  • Apples in Stereo @ the Dirty Dog (and maybe 1 or 2 Sloan songs, too)
:: Saturday ::


Ali & I hit the Flatstock expo @ the Convention Center, which pretty much slayed me. It left me reeling…I am obviously not applying my creativity enough in my life! Seriously, what am I doing!? gah. Totally awe-inspiring. Mental note: start kicking more creative ass. hech hemm. Anyway, then we met up with Rick & his sister for brunch/lunch @ Manuel’s (yes, more chips, guac, salsa, queso – oh my), and then:

  • Mando Diao @ Cedar Street Courtyard
  • Pony’s @ Red 7 (patio)
  • Sloan @ Red 7

Umm, back to the hotel for a nap. zzzz. Then off to Habana Calle 6 for:

  • The Affair
  • Chris Garneau
  • Palomar
  • The Teeth

and then I walked over to Congress for my last show of the night & of SXSW:

  • Au Revoir Simone @ Copa
:: Sunday ::


Packed up & went to breakfast @ Juan in a Million (how great is that name?) with Ryan Junell & his rockstar friends (Miguel aka Kid606, Alan of Aquarius Records, Carrie from XLR8R, etc). The last breakfast in Austin, chock full of chips & salsa. haha. Then after a free ride on the Dillo (ha!) I made it back to the hotel for Jordan & I split a cab to the airport.

Wow. What a week… but it feels good to be home!! Especially because I got to come home to a very sweet & snuggle Kazoobie kitty! yay! xoxo

Alas, I have so much to do now & am detoxing for like a month! haha! View the photographic evidence of the week’s madness here:

Oh & I didn’t post to my blog on this site while I was there, but the whole time I was twitter-blogging, and checking in on Dodgeball, too! (Dodgeball history can be seen via this RSS link) Hi. Welcome to Web 2.0. :)

::

UPDATE: View Misty’s photos!

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i love this one of me & aubs!


me & aubs closeup
Originally uploaded by Willo.

This self portrait of us was an accidental close-up, but I love it!

Aubs has become a really good friend of mine in the last year. We met at SXSWi last year (actually, I should say, finally met in person), and then she joined us for Coachella and has become a staple, if not Events Coordinator Extraordinaire, in my awesome group of friends.

Aubrey’s middle name is Fun, which makes me think we might be related somehow. hehee. We’re bunking together the first couple days of SXSW this year… watch out! I leave Saturday & am getting sooooo excited!!

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Noisepop 2007 is a wrap!


Bottom of the Hill
Originally uploaded by Willo.

I already had posted photos from the Opening Night party @ Mezzanine, but now that Noisepop is over, here’s the rest of my photos.

For some reason I didn’t take my camera out on Wednesday night at the GAMH Sebadoh show… and Thurs night I took “off” & stayed home. But Friday I hit the Adaptive Path party (that I just posted about), and then met up with Ali, Holly, Misty & Ted for the Snowden/Autolux show @ the Independent.

Snowden was SOOOO GOOD!!!

on the keys now

Snowden @ the Independent

me, holly, ted & misty

Me, Holly, Ted & Misty

::::

Saturday night we went to the Flickr333 party, but sadly it wasn’t long after dinner & being at the party that I got the worst stomach ache evar & had to just go home (missed the Ponys show @ BotH I had tix for – sad!) 

::::

Sunday morning I got up (feeling much better, thank goodness), went to the gym & then had breakfast with my girls!

post brunch
It was sunny & gorgeous out! love it!

Then it was off to see Midlake @ BotH…. where something else REALLY AMAZING happened, but I can’t tell you yet!! eeeeeeeee!!! Ted Proposed to Misty! YAY!!! Congrats you two!! xoxoxo

Midlake @ Bottom of the Hill

The amazing thing that happened was hands down the highlight of the whole day, if not all of Noisepop. :) Oh, and Midlake was good too… but man was it HOTT in there!! So packed we could hardly breath.

Afterwards Ali, Aubs & I went to Emmy’s! Fun!

View all my photos from Noisepop 2007!

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